Cherry Blossoms In Winter
by xxkirahoshi
Summary: [ON HOLD] Mika is dead and Seguchi Tohma is having a hard time trying to cope with the loss of his wife, what happens when he tries suicide? Who will save him? Possible lemon in later chapters. [ShuichiTohma] Shonenai
1. Chapter One

Hello! This is my first Gravitation FanFic! Yay! I know, I know! I should finish my other fics but…someone refuses to come over to my house to do that… so yah.. lets just get on with the story.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned it, I want it! But I don't…so it's not mine!

Title: Cherry Blossoms In Winter

Summery: Mika is dead and Seguchi Tohma is having a hard time trying to cope with the loss of his wife, what happens when he tries suicide? Who will save him? Rated for Cursing and attempted suicide, may go up, and your stupid if you don't think this is going to be yaoi! That's what Gravitation is!

Chapter rating: M (for coursing and attempted suicide)

Chapter One

"_**It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over."**_

Time changes people, right? Or is it just some stupid scheme a retard came up with because he was really board… I don't really know… I've tired to understand Yuki. I truly have but… he never changes.

Today were going to a funeral for Mika-san. She died in a car crash about a week ago. Seguchi-san has been really rattled by the whole thing. He'd locked himself up in his office for days and finally came out when Eiri went to go tell him that they were have a funeral for Mika-san.

Right now all four of us, Eiri, Seguchi-san, Sakuma-san and I, Shindou Shuichi, are ridding in Yuki's car to the cemetery. Seguchi-san is sitting upfront next to Yuki and I'm sitting in back with Ryuichi who has Kumagoro held tightly in his arms.

Sakuma-san is coming to pay respects with us for a reason I guess. He says because Mika-san was Seguchi-san's wife and Seguchi-san is a keyboardist in his band that he would go to support Seguchi-san. I thought it was really sweet of Sakuma-san to do that for Seguchi-san.

"We're almost there." Yuki said breaking the salience, it made me jump truthfully, I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we started to pull into the cemetery. It had large bronze gates and a huge lake in the middle with ducks and geese.

"Shindou-san," Tohma said getting my attention with a "huh"," you've been unusually quiet are you feeling well?" he turned to face me.

"I'm fine," I said," It's just really sad that Mika-san had to die."

"Don't feel bad." Tohma said," If you dwell on the past and how you feel about the past you have no hopes of moving on whatsoever."

I stared at Seguchi-san in aw I couldn't believe this was coming from him. I do admit that at times I really hate him for trying to brake me and Yuki up but… I still conceder him a friend and my boss," I'll keep that in mind."

"Come on Shu-chan! You gotta be more happy, na no da!" Ryuichi said cutting into the conversation waving the pink stuffed bunny around.

"This may sound weird but Ryuichi's right Shuichi." Yuki said looking at me through the rear-view mirror," You don't have to act sad if you aren't and if you are… try to be a little more up beat. I know that the death of someone is a terrible thing but in the end you've got to think about the good times you had with that person and the good times you'll have in the time to came."

"Did that really come from you Yuki!" all three man screamed.

"What? Can't I be sympatric!" Yuki said as he pulled into the procession line of cars.

"No." all three men said with a straight face.

Yuki's eyes started to twitch as he opened the car door and stepped out to meet Tatsuha and his father. Seguchi-san, Sakuma-san and I quickly followed suite.

"Ahh," Yuki's father said," Tohma-kun, this is a great loss to us all."

"Yes." Tohma said his face showing no emotion at the least.

I shivered as his voice, to me, sounded distant and cold. Like Yuki's did a lot of the time. It was scary that Seguchi-san would sound like that. His voice and the way he acted were completely opposite of the Seguchi Tohma I was used to. It didn't seem right that he should act like that.

"Excuse me." a small man said, his face was grizzled and he had oily black hair that was slicked back," We're ready to begin the procession, when you are."

"Yes." Tohma said," Yuki…"

"Right," Yuki said as he walked back over to his car," Come on you damn brat." He called to me as I was entranced on how ugly the little man was.

"Oh," I said realizing I was being called to," Sakuma-san we're going now." I called for Ryuichi who was playing with the ducks.

"Coming!" he called as he ran over to us Kumagoro clutched in his death grip.

A smile appeared on my lips at the thought as it being a death like grip, I thought it was mildly funny then Yuki put a hand on my shoulder," Come on."

I nodded my head and stepped in the car. Ryuichi was soon bouncing next to me Kumagoro's ears flopping around with him. His hyperactive behavior, I had to admit, surprised me. I guess at this moment hyper activeness was foreign to me.

"Oi! Shu-chan?" Ryuichi said I looked to him and he looked really serious all the sudden," Don't ever call me Sakuma-san again…call me," he then put on a childish smile," Ryu-chan, na no da!"

I laughed a bit then said," Alright…" I paused for a second," Ryu-chan."

"Yay!" he said starting to bounce again.

It seemed as if it took forever for everyone to pay respects and for the Priest to give his blessings on Mika-san cremation. I know thinking like that'll give me some sort of a curse but oh well, my butt was starting to hurt and Ryu-chan was sleeping on my shoulder. He, by the way, got many disapproving glances but when Seguchi-san walked over to us and saw that Ryu-chan was sleeping, he just laughed and asked if I would be so kind as to be Ryu-chan's pillow for a bit longer. I nodded my head, then Seguchi-san turned to leave before he walked away he glanced at me then walked away.

It struck me as a little odd that Seguchi-san would look back me like that, the look on his face, it was almost, happiness. It could have been just as easily a false smile as he always does but, it just sent some sort of a shiver down my spine.

"Are you cold, na no da?" Ryuichi asked me.

"I'm sorry, Sa—Ryu-chan did I wake you up?" I caught myself before I said Sakuma-san.

"Nope! Kumagoro woke Ryu-chan!" he said shoving the little bunny in my face. I kinda had my own version of Kumagoro, but he was a little plainer then Ryuichi's.

I smiled as I felt some of my usual hyper ness return. I was changing a lot. Now that I think about it I used to constantly cry over stupid little things and have about thirty mood swings in fifteen seconds flat.

My smile grew as I thought about doing that just to piss off Yuki. It had become a hobby now to see how long I could do something before he either did one of three things: one, kick me out, two: yell at me to knock it off, and three, kiss me, or take me to bed.

"Lets go you two." Yuki said as he walked over to me and Ryuichi-chan.

"Alright." He both said, I was a little happier now then I was on the way over.

It seemed as if time had slowed as we got in the car and drove back to the temple at Kyoto for the little party thing they have after, I forgot the name, does it even have a name? I dunno, but when we got there some people were automatically engaged in happy conversations and other were flat and stayed on the outer rims of the party.

"Shuichi." Yuki said getting my attention.

"Yes, Yuki?" I asked turning my head to face him.

"Be hyper." He said.

"What?" I asked my moth almost dropping.

"I said be hyper, jump around, give me a reason to leave dragging you Ryuichi and Tohma with me." he said, I looked around for Ryuichi and Seguchi-san. Ryu-chan was currently eating cake and Seguchi-san… I couldn't see Seguchi-san anywhere.

I stood up and said to Yuki before leaving to go look for Seguchi-san," I'll do my best!" I pretended to sound hyper and then bounced off to go find Seguchi-san.

I walked around the temple for a good long time, when I at long last came to the only room I hadn't looked in, when I opened the door I lost my ability to use my voice.

Seguchi-san was hanging from a rope tied around his neck that was tied to a high post. He looked as if he were still alive so I quickly run under him and lifted him so he could get breath.

I then tried to get the rope off from around his neck by lifting him higher. The whole time I was calling for Yuki or Ryuichi to help me. I eventually got the rope off and then we both fell to the floor gasping for air. Seguchi-san sat up on his knees and said to me," Why'd you stop me?"

"Because it's not right! Yuki said it! If you don't look forward then you'll just drowned in the past!" I was yelling. I didn't want to yell but… I was so mad that Seguchi-san would try and kill himself.

"Shu…ichi-kun…" he said slowly.

I didn't know what to do, I could see Seguchi-san eyes start to gloss over with tears so I did the only thing I knew and hugged him close to me. I pressed his head to my chest and I tried to comfort him, it was when I pulled him close that he broke down and started to bawl like a child how just scraped his knee.

Heavy foot steps and breathing met my ears when suddenly the door slid open and Yuki was standing there, hunched over breathing deeply, he'd been running, so I guess he did hear me. Ryuichi was right behind him with Kumagoro clutched in his arms as I currently held Seguchi-san.

Yuki looked from Seguchi-san and me to the rope and back. He then walked over to us and knelt down to try and persuade Seguchi-san to him. I let go but like a reflex clutched onto me.

After much trying, Yuki gave up on trying to pry Seguchi-san off me. After he stopped she asked me what happened, I told him that," When you asked me to be hyper back at the party I looked around for Seguchi-san but when I didn't see him around the people or near the walls I went looking for him. I checked all the rooms and then looked in this one I'm guessing right after he dropped himself. The first thing I could think of was lifting his body up so he could get air then I started to try to get the rope off while I was still lifting. I was calling for you and Ryu-chan the whole time untill I finally got him off then he asked me why I stopped him. I reminded him of what you said in the car before the procession and then he broke down."

I could quite place the look Eiri had on his face. It seemed to be a mix of surprise, confusion and then a bit of… pity? Was that pity in the eyes of Yuki Eiri? I would have slapped myself but I decided to hug Seguchi-san again he seemed to really need it.

"We'll be staying here tonight." Yuki said at long last after about five minute of utter salience," Shuichi… stay with Tohma tonight."

"Yuki?" I asked I wondered why he wanted me to stay with Seguchi-san.

"He needs someone by his side and he doesn't seem to want me." Yuki said lighting up a cigarette.

"If its ok with Seguchi-san." I said looking down, the only response I got from him was him burying his face even further into my chest. I, as well as Yuki and Ryuichi I was guessing, took that as an okay.

Sunset came really fast, I didn't expect it to come like it did. The sunset was really pretty, all the colors, red, yellow, orange, pink, blue and the slow coming violet. It was like a painting, I wanted to paint it, but I can't draw for a damn so I killed off that idea.

"Shuichi-san?" I heard Seguchi-san say, he was sitting right next to me, he's just spoken for the first time since he tired to kill himself.

"Yah Seguchi-san?" I asked. I wondered what he wanted to say.

"You can call me Tohma." He said.

"Alright then…how about Tohma-kun?" I asked kind nervous about it.

"That's fine," He said smiling," I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" I questioned.

He laughed a bit before saying," For saving me form myself. If didn't come look for me I'd be dead and you'd all be going to another funeral."

"Oh." I said I guess I sounded upset or something because he looked at me with concern," I mean… your welcome!"

Tohma just looked at me as if trying to read me. No one could read me… I was way to weird to read, I think if I were a book, I'd be in another language that no one uses.

"I used to hate you." He said.

"What?" I said surprised by the comment.

"I used to hate you, at first when you started your way up it was okay but then I hated the way you and Yuki had things going, but now…I guess… I'm jealous."

"Jealous?" I asked.

"Yah," he said," That Eiri has someone like you to care for him. Mika's gone now so I don't have anyone." He started to look off into the distance.

Lights started to flicker on as the last rays of sunlight left the canvas. It was a warm night and fireflies were out so we just kinda kept sitting on the patio. The sand garden was an eerie white glow as a half moon peeked out from behind a cloud.

"Looks like it might rain." Tohma said at long last.

"Yah," I didn't get it, I wanted to jump around and be as nuts as everyone was used to seeing out of me but I had on energy. I guess finding Tohma like I did took all the energy I had not to have a heart attack.

"Shuichi-kun." Tohma said.

"Yah?" I guess he just wanted to say my name because he didn't say anything after that, untill about five minutes after.

"I'm sorry for causing you the trouble of staying with me but…" he paused," I just feel like I need to be with you right now."

The way that sounded, it sounded like he wanted to be like Eiri is, but then again maybe I'm just missing Eiri, yah missing him. I looked over at Tohma and saw that he was staring at me. I started to blush, wait… Blush? Me? Now? Why?

"Shuichi-kun," he said my name again! What'll I tell Yuki if…? NO! It's not going to happen! Tohma-kun is my boss!

"Y…yah?" I said stuttering, great! Now I'm stuttering! How can this get any worse!

"Do you know what I mean?" Tohma asked still not moving his turquoise eyes not leaving mine.

"N…no…" I was getting freaked out now.

"I guess…" he leaned his head to rest on my shoulder," That it wouldn't happen and," he paused," it doesn't matter."

'_Wouldn't happen? Doesn't matter! What the hell! I'm losing my mind! This is Seguchi Tohma we're talking about! He's…well he was married… to a woman! Right? Or maybe Mika was really a man! Whoa! That would be freaky! Wait… why am I…? Oh no!' _I don't remember when it happened but it seemed like out of the blue Tohma was on top of me," To…Tohma-kun?"

"Shhh," he said," I just want to ask you one favor."

"Wha…What?" I keep stuttering! Stop it Shuichi!

"Can I… can…" he was trying to say something," can…" he looked at me with pleading eyes, _'What was he pleading for? I didn't know… I guess Yuki calls me an idiot for a reason. I have to try and understand…is…trying to ask me to… I know now._' I thought before sitting up, Tohma still on me," Tohma-kun, you know I'm am Yuki's and Yuki is mine now…"

"I…I know." Tohma said looking down, he looked so sad that I couldn't stand it.

"But…" I said,' _Yuki's gonna kill me if he ever finds out what I'm about to do…_' I sighed as I thought over what I was about to do then I took Tohma's chin and kissed him.

TBC

Hey everyone! How'd you like it? I think this is the first Fic that I wrote that I actually really like! Yay! I'm so into Gravitation right now so I just wrote this! Hehe how'd you like the little TohmaxShuichi thing? I know that I'll probably get flames saying that Tohma's straight and married and people asking why Mika had to die… well the answer to all those questions is because I wanted to! Lol well I'll go and try to type the next chapter now!

Ja Ne

Kaiyuku-San


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2 

"_**Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today."**_

I opened my eyes to the moon light shining through my window. I sighed sitting up. There was a cold spot where I knew that damn brat would have slept if I hadn't made him stay with Tohma.

'_He needs someone else with him anyway. I think I'm unstable too. I mean, I feel like crying now.'_ I looked toward my window. Then at the clock. The green florescent numbers said it was twelve forty three. I had only so far gotten two hours of sleep.

I sighed as I started to get up. I pulled on my robe as I decided to go and smoke outside. Then that damn brats voice echoed in my head,"_ Yuki! Smoking is going to only kill you!_"

I smirked, a part of me wanted to be dead. I had killed the only man I'd ever really loved with my own two hands. Tohma was there to comfort me at that time. I was a mess, he stopped me from killing myself countless times, and yet… Shuichi was the one to save him… ironic I guess.

I stepped outside the door and walked down the wood floor halls, the wood covered surface creaked as I walked, when I made it to the outside hall I noticed that Shuichi was sitting there. I guess he heard me coming or something because he greeted me without even turning around. How he knew it was me…I'll never know but all the same I greeted him in return," Konbanwa." I said shortly.

"Out to smoke I guess?" he asked me.

"Yah you guessed that too?" I said pulling out a stick and lighting it up, putting it between my lips.

"You never go outside for any other reason." He sounded like he was upset still, and for some reason I felt concerned about it.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I dunno." He said in return.

"Start knowing! I'm trying to talk to you!" I raised my voice a bit not yelling, I didn't want to wake up the temple," And I thought I said to stay with Tohma…!" I felt fear well up inside," Did he kill himself!"

"Wha?" Shuichi looking at me like I was the walking dead," No! he's just asleep so I came outside! That's all!"

I smirked. We were kinda yelling at each other but trying to be a quiet as possible about it," You damn brat! You had me thinking he did!"

"I'm so sorry to disappoint!" he said in a loud whisper.

"You are really…"

"Let me guess stupid?" Shuichi said.

"No… entertaining." I placed the word just as how I found him at the time.

"Entertaining?" he repeated me," Why?"

"I don't know." I paused," I guess I just think its funny you're trying to yell without waking up the whole temple."

"Well whatever." He said.

"What's eating you?" I asked, I was really bugged that he hadn't latched on to me once since I told him Mika was dead.

"Well," he dragged it out," I feel really bad for Tohma-kun, I mean he lot the one he loved and now he's all alone."

His reasons for it were sincere enough but I didn't buy it. He was acting normal (-ish) at funeral talking with Ryuichi but now… now he was really (to me) weird. He hadn't done anything remotely close to hyper for days," Stop acting like a normal person." I said plainly.

"Huh?" he looked up at me.

"Stop acting like a normal person." I repeated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked me pouting; I smirked. I had to admit he looked cute when he did that.

"You're supposed to latch onto me every time I walk into a room and your supposed to bounce of walls. Be hyper, do something that'll drive me to insanity already." I said truthfully.

"But…I…" he started.

"If you don't I'll kick you out the second we get home." I said… '_That should make him do something like his normal self.' _I thought.

While I thought he had quickly stood up and was now cutting the blood circulation to my arm off," No, no, no, no! don't do that!" he said loudly.

"Shhh. You idiot! You'll wake up the temple." I hissed as I tried to move my arm to get some blood flowing.

"Sorry!" He said letting my arm free.

I sighed as I put a hand on his head," Listen Shuichi," I didn't really know what to say so I just said whatever came to mind," I'm just… worried about you… yes I am worried," I added seeing the disbelief in his look," I want you to know that you can act anyway you want. I don't care just… be yourself."

"I'll try!" he said, then latched his arms around my waist.

I was a bit shocked but then made him look at me, I too his chin and kissed him. He soon returned the kiss after a bit more of talking after we broke he headed back to the room he and Tohma were staying in. I knew that Tohma really did need someone other then me all the time so I put out my cigarette and made my way back to my room.

I walked by the room that had been Mika's when we were kids I could still remember Tohma, Mika and, I goofing around playing games like all children do.

When I got to the hall way where my room was I made sure to kick Tatsuha out of there. He was lurking around looking for a chance to get to Ryuichi. I knew it, it what's called… brothers instinct.

When I got rid of him and told Ryuichi to lock his door and window and not to let Tatsuha in even if he was dieing I went back to bed. I glanced at my clock one more time it said now it was two thirty seven. I then turned to face the wall falling asleep.

The sun was now shining through the window as I opened my eyes slowly. The light burned so I closed them again and pulled the blanket over my head,' _Shuichi'll wake me up.' _I thought as I went back to sleep.

Sure enough minutes later someone entered my room, then the person jumped on my bed, but it wasn't one person it was two.

"Wake up Eiri!" it was Ryuichi.

"La Li Ho!" Shuichi squeaked after him.

I had a lot of thoughts before I sat up and pushed them both off me and lied back down. They'd have to work harder to wake me up then that.

"Yuki!" Shuichi said trying to steal my blanket.

"Come on Eiri-Chan!" Ryuichi cried as he copied Shuichi.

I let go of the blanket and they both fell to the floor, I sat up and watched them try to get out. I suddenly heard a sound as if a tree broke and then both of the hyper singers yelped in pain.

" Ow!" Shuichi said as he slowly pulled the blanket off his and Ryuichi's head.

"Ahh!" Ryuichi said as he held his head tightly.

"Yuki! That was mean!" Shuichi pouted, I just sometimes kill that boy but at others… I smirked.

"Well I'm presuming you came to get me because there's food?" I guess.

Both the singers stood up and said," You bet!" Shuichi then jumped over to me and started to pull on my arm," Come on! Cigarettes and beer aren't food!"

"I'm coming you pain!" I said I then paused," So you're normal?"

"Huh?" Shuichi looked at me like I was stupid," Oh!" he banged his fist in his hand," Yep!" he poked the side of his head.

"Good," I said standing up at long last," Lets go." I looked at the doorway to see Tohma standing there staring at Shuichi then he looked me and smiled one of those smiles you see on him all the time.

" Ohayo, Eiri-kun." He said to me.

"Hey." I said in return then he Shuichi, Ryuichi and I all made our way down the hall. We at in… well it sure as hell wasn't silence, Shuichi and Ryuichi were jabbering away about that stupid looking pink bunny and about tours.

Shuichi has yet to go on tour but, with the way Tohma jumped in on that conversation I could only assume that he'd be going on one really soon,' _Now that I think about it if Shuichi went on tour it'd be too quiet at the house… knowing me now… I'd probably ask to go with.' _

It was about noon when we got in the car to leave. Tatsuha was disappointed to watch us go mainly because we were taking Ryuichi with us.

It was a oddly silent ride home, Shuichi was in the back with Tohma and Ryuichi was sitting up front next to me. the quiet was too much for me so I flipped on the radio. At the same time one of the radio personalities was talking about one of Shuichi's songs.

/" Now well be playing _Rage Beat_ which this week soared to top of the charts setting it at number one, beating Sakuma Ryuichi, and the other members of Nittle Gasper and leaving him in the dust. Good job Bad Luck!"/

When the song started to play I looked back to see the look on Shuichi's face, and then looked at Ryuichi, both of them were shocked. Tohma though was the first to talk," Congratulations."

"We made number one!" Shuichi said as he started to bounce around in the back, Ryuichi then turned to his and said his own congratulations.

"Yay!" he hugged Tohma quickly then Ryuichi and then me, causing me to swerve.

"Shuichi!" I yelled as I crashed into a light post. The air bags all deployed but my head hit the radio turning it off. When I pulled back I held my head. I looked over to Ryuichi who was trying to get his face out of the air back I then looked to the back Tohma was there but," Where the hell is Shuichi!" I looked to see if he was below the seat, when I didn't find him I looked to the windshield and felt the blood drain from my face," Shuichi!"

"Oh my god!" Tohma said as he kicked the door open, my door was stuck so I kicked out the rest of the windshield and climbed out.

We both ran over to a limp Shuichi who was so still I thought he might have been dead untill he moved glass rolling off his body," I'm sorry Eiri…I got to hyper and ruined your car." Was the first thing he said when he looked me in the face.

"I don't care about that right now! Are you okay? Is anything broken?" I said as I knelt down and grabbed either side of his shoulders.

"I don't…ahh!" Shuichi said grabbing his arm tightly.

"What's wrong?" I asked quickly.

"I think his arm may be broken." Tohma said looking closely at it.

"Damn." I said as I pulled out my cell and pushed 911.

The ambulance soon arrived and took Shuichi and Ryuichi to the hospital. Ryuichi had a minor concussion and Shuichi had to have his arm in a cast.

About an hour later Shuichi and I walked into my house, we'd taken a taxi to get there. He went to the living room and I stared after him,' _He thinks I'm mad… I am but… it… well it was his fault…' _I thought to myself going to my room to sleep.

I lied there for about an hour and went no sleep came I called for Shuichi," Yes?" he asked as he slowly opened the door.

"Come in here." I said.

He slowly came in, it was almost like a dog afraid of getting hit with a newspaper," Want is it you want Eiri?"

"I know you'll think I'm sick or something but…" I looked him over," Come here and sleep with me. I want you in here too."

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked as he stopped.

"Come here!" I snapped.

"Coming!" He said as he jumped into the bed with me," Better?"

"Much." I said as I wrapped my arms around him and brought him down on top of me," Now… Lets see what you can do with that broken arm."

He giggled," Yuki you have such a dirty mind."

I smirked as I kissed him full on the mouth," Come on."

TBC

Ok everyone! Note to you all! I do not do lemons! So this is a safe fix! It talks about the "dirty" but I would never write one full on! I find it really sick! So there! well I finally figured out that this is going to be a three different POV story. Starting with Shuichi, then Yuki and ending with Tohma! Yay! Now this will be a TohmaxShuichi the next chapter! So hold on! Kk?

Ja Ne!

Kaiyuku-San


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter 3**

(Tohma POV)

"_**An open mind sees the world reflected within themselves, but a closed mind looks for the world to be their reflection."**_

It was the day after the car accident, I was at home and it seemed as if Shuichi-kun had a doctors note saying he wasn't allowed to work for a good week. Then he'd be allowed to at lest sing without hurt himself.

I sighed as I sat up, I looked around my room, the bed I had was way to big for just one person. I really didn't love Mika but… I missed having someone to hold when I was cold. Yes I never really loved her, it was something of an arranged marriage that I had no care for.

Back when I was a child the only person I wanted to be with was Eiri. I loved him greatly, but now, at this point and time. For some unexplainable reason… I loved Shuichi-kun. Why? I really have no clue. Maybe it was for the same reason that… at least I think… Eiri did. Truthfully I don't think Eiri really loves Shuichi-kun. Then again.. that's just what I think… it really means nothing.

I slowly got out of bed I wasn't sure what I was going to do today, Ryuichi was also on doctors recommendation to stay home and recover and I hadn't been to my office since I'd locked myself in there for days on end. I only came out when Yuki told me that the funeral was going to be soon.

Normally I wouldn't drink but… when I was locked up in there alone I must have gone through enough alcohol to kill most of my good brain cells, if I didn't have a high alcohol tolerance I'd have most likely started getting delusional.

I went to my bathroom and turned on the shower, I guess I'd decided that I was going to NG today. Damn it had been a long time, but that's what I get.

I got into the shower after taking off my clothes and let the water run down my back waking me up fully. I was thankful that I didn't need to go through therapy after my attempt to kill myself. Apparently, Shuichi, Ryuichi, and Eiri had all told the doctor that if I went into therapy I'd probably really kill myself.

Truthfully now, I had no desire to do so, it must have been Shuichi-kun. Somehow, the way he said what Eiri had said before him hit me a lot harder then when Eiri said it… I know its confusing but that's what I feel that happened. He just had a bit more of an impact.

After I washed my hair and turned off the water I grabbed two towels, one I wrapped around my waist the other I put on my head. I started to work through my hair drying it when my cell-phone phone rang.

"Moshi-moshi?" I said picking it up.

"Moshi-moshi Tohma-kun!" Shuichi's voice blasted through the phone, I, by instinct, held the phone at arms length so I could save my ears.

"Shuichi-kun, how are you?" I asked slowly bringing the phone closer but not that close.

"I'm fine! Hey I was wondering if your going to go to NG today?" he asked more quietly then he'd greeted me with.

"Yes," I told him," I'm getting ready to go right now."

"Could you pick me up? I know that the doctor said I should stay home but I can't. I really want to go to work today!" he said sounding extremely hyper.

"Of course." I said, I was inwardly thrilled I really wanted to talk to Shuichi alone.

"Okay, I'm at Hiro's place!" Shuichi said, I raised an eye brow.

"Why are you there?" I asked, I was puzzled, did Eiri kick him out again?

"I was going to get a ride from Hiro but he's already gone!" Shuichi said," And I would have asked Yuki but he would have said the doctor told me to stay home but I don't wanna!"

"Alright, alright, I'll be there in about thirty minutes." I said he said he wait and I started to get ready a bit faster then I had been getting ready.

I was out the door fifteen minutes later, a lot sooner then I'd anticipated. I set the alarm and locked the door then I got in my car and was off. The drive was quick because I was at Hiro's in about five minutes," I a bit early but I don't think you'd complain would you?"

He smirked and said," Of course I'm mad! You're early you said thirty minutes and you were here in twenty! Your supposed to show up on time!" he played as he got in the car.

I laughed as he shut the door and put on a seatbelt. When I heard the click of it locking I stepped on the peddle. As I eased the car into the street again I was careful to look all around. I didn't need to get Shuichi-kun into another accident. Eiri would kill me if I did, he probably already kill me for taking Shuichi-kun to work when he was supposed to stay home.

"Ano…Tohma-kun?" Shuichi asked.

"Hm?" I sounded telling him I was listening.

"You wouldn't tell Yuki about the thing at the temple would you?" he asked nervously. I knew he meant the kiss we had shared. I had really no clue that was going to happen but I guess I needed to feel loved somehow.

"I don't know what your talking about." I said winking.

"Right." '_He actually understood me? how odd, oh well at least he knows I won't tell Eiri.'_ I thought as we started to come up to the NG building.

"Well are you going to need a ride back home too…or are you going to ride with Nakano-kun?" I asked," I don't think riding a motorcycle is good for your arm." I was trying to get him to come with me, I really did think that his arm would get worse if he rode with Nakano-kun.

"Really?" he said," Sure I'll ride with you!" he said almost jumping with joy.

I smiled… a real smile, it'd been a while since I'd done that. It felt… nice to smile like that again. The last time I'd smiled for real was the day before Eiri shoot Yuki… I'll never forget the look on Eiri's face when I opened the door. So much fear, so much regret. My thoughts must have shown on my face because Shuichi tapped my shoulder," Is something wrong Tohma-kun?" he asked.

I smiled and shook my head, I was telling the truth, there was nothing wrong I was just thinking of the past…. Or is that something wrong? I don't know anymore.

I pulled the car into the parking lot under the building. When I stopped the car I let my head fall to the stirring-wheel. Shuichi, I guess, looked at me alarmed because he instantly asked if I was alright.

"Ne, I'm fine." I said I told the truth again there wasn't anything wrong with me the past just kind of still hit me pretty hard.

"Are you sure?" he asked, I looked at him, his face was painted with worry. I vaguely wondered if he ever worried that much about Eiri or if he had worried that much for me when he found me trying to kill myself.

"Yes." I smiled falsely while I looked at him. I really felt guilty that I tried to take my life without thinking of others. Without thinking how'd they feel about it.

Something fell to my lap, my eyes were burning, was I… crying? Yah I guess I was, I didn't want to cry with Shuichi-kun there but, it just came.

"Tohma-kun?" Shuichi put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't want him to see me crying.

"Don't mind me." I said, it was evident I was lying I guess because he stared at me for a minute. I tried to hide my face from him but he made me look at him. I would have never guessed that Shuichi could be all that demanding.

"Tell me what's wrong…please?" he asked me, not childishly but maturely, something I sadly have to say, that I'd never expect from him.

"It doesn't have anything to do with you or Mika, just…" I paused," The past."

"Oh." He said, he then hugged me," Don't worry about the past. All its going to do is drive you to insanity. Like I almost do to Yuki everyday!" he looked at me and smiled.

I couldn't help but smile in return, I thought it was a bit entertaining that he'd say he tries to drive Yuki mad," You are right, but I still have a few things I must work out and some of those things require me to think about the past."

"Like?" Shuichi asked," Come on you can tell me!"

"Can I now?" I raised an eye brow to him.

"Hai!" he squeaked.

"I'm sorry but I don't think that would be a good idea," I said," I know you wouldn't tell anyone so don't take it that way but… I don't want to involve you in any…potentially…social brake downs." He was confused at was really obvious, he had the oddest look on his face. I chuckled a bit then said," Don't worry about it so much."

"If you say so." Shuichi said," Well we'd better get on up there!" he then turned to open the door, but I quickly grabbed his shoulder.

He turned to me with a "what is it?" expression all over his face, I closed my eyes for a second then opened them," Thank you." I couldn't do it, I had planed to kiss him but I couldn't. While I was cursing my own coward-ness Shuichi-kun had gotten much closer to my face. When I noticed, he was kissing me. It just about shocked me as much as when he had kissed me at the temple.

I bet of Eiri were to see us, he'd kill one or both of us, if he'd ever found out about this, Shuichi-kun would be on the street heading to Hiro's house…or would he? I made a vow right then and there that if Shuichi-kun ever had Eiri kick him out again. I'd be there to take Shuichi in, and make sure he was never hurt again.

When we broke he smiled and got out of the car and started to head for the elevator, I began to pray,' _Mika please, don't be mad if I've fallen for Shindou-san. Just let me keep him safe if Eiri were ever to hurt him in anyway.' _

I then got out of my car and turned on the alarm. As I walked over to the elevator I was surprised to see that Shuichi had held it for me.

"Come on Tohma-kun!" he said as he waved for me to hurry. I quickly got into the elevator and he pushed the button to go up," Tohma-kun?"

"Hai?" I looked at him.

"Would you ever tell Yuki about me kissing you?" he asked me, I wasn't too surprised about the question.

"Iie." I said," what happens between you and me, stays between you and me and who ever else you tell."

"Me?" Shuichi looked at me confused.

"You can tell whom ever you like, I won't tell a soul." I said.

He stared at me a minute then smiled," Ok then." The elevator then stopped at his floor and he got out," I'll see you after work right?"

"Hai." I said giving him a real smile.

"Okay then! Ja ne!" he said as the doors shut. I leaned on the wall of the elevator and sighed," Now, just to get through the day."

When the doors slid open and I started towards my office then push open the doors. I slowly shut it and proceeded to my desk. When I sat I started to sluggishly pulled myself to my desk, then opened the drawer to the right of me and pulled out a bottle of Ever Clear, pure grain alcohol, and a shot glass. I poured it to the brim and then downed it. Now remember I don't drink much normally so when the liquor hit the back of my trout I got a very nice buzz. I was hoping to get wasted and sit in my office counting the ceiling tiles and then turn around and count the number of windows on the skyscraper across the way. But no…that damn Sakano just had to pound on my door. Sometimes I regret making him a producer.

"Seguchi-sama!" Sakano screeched as he blasted into my office. I had to plug my ears because he was so damn loud.

"What is it?" I snapped, I then gathered myself and took a deep breath," What is it you need help with?"

"Seguchi-sama it's Shindou-kun!" Sakano said loudly. I was instantly alarmed, 'D_id he hurt himself?'_

"What happened?" I asked I feared that the genki singer had hurt himself.

"He came to work! The doctor said that Shindou-kun was to stay home and recover." Sakano said.

I sighed as I leaned back in my chair," Shut up if you want to keep your job." I snapped getting him to shut up," Sakano-san I brought Shuichi-kun to work. He called and asked me to take him and I did. If you have a objection to that send him up here for the day. Now unless you have anything other to bother me with I would like to continue drinking so I can get drunk." I said showing him my oh so lovely bottle of Ever Clear.

"I see." Sakano said bowing and leaving.

Moments later there was a knock on my door. I sighed, aggravated, and said for the person to come in. After I got done putting away my Ever Clear I looked up into amethyst eyes," Sakano-san sent you up here didn't he?"

Shuichi-kun nodded as he looked around my office," He said that I need to spend the day up here and if I come to work tomorrow he'll just call Yuki or he'll send me here again…Hiro forced me to come up here too."

"Ah…so it was a team effort?" I playfully asked.

"Fujisaki helped them to so yah…" Shuichi laughed scratching the back of his head.

"Well care to join me in a little drinking contest?" I asked, I was really in the mood to drink and if I had a contest with the boy I might drink more then what I had initially planed.

"What do you have?" he asked sitting in front of my desk.

"Ever Clear." I said as I pulled out my glass the bottle and a new glass.

"Sounds good." Shuichi said," How about a drinking contest?"

"What would the be the winners prize?" I asked him, while pouring a glass for him and myself.

"I dunno…" Shuichi said taking the glass I offered him," We can…well try, and think of that when we get to it."

I laughed a bit, I often can someone who's drunk get his thoughts straight? Not anyone I've known, if there is a person like that I'd like to meet them," Sounds like a plan." I said raising my glass," Cheers." Shuichi nodded then both he and I drained the glass and then I poured another.

About two hours later we were still hammering them down just not as quickly as I would have guessed, not that I was thinking all that much at the point and time.

"I think…" Shuichi said, I thought he was holding quiet well," We need another bottle."

"Ah…" My speech was so slurred I didn't know if I had made sense or not," Your right."

I got up, stumbling a bit, and walked over to the book shelf. I picked out a rather large book and opened it reveling another bottle of alcohol this time it was whisky but it was still something to keep our buzzes going.

"Is that what you did the whole time in here?" Shuichi asked quiet soberly behind me, still sitting in the chair," When you locked yourself in here, was drinking all you did?"

"Yes." I said trying to match the soberness in his voice," That and count the tiles and windows, did you know that there are two-hundred and fifty-six in the ceiling in this room, and on the building over there there's about nine hundred?"

"I did not know that," the slur came back," So what do you have this time?"

"Whisky." I said.

"Awesome." He said as he took the bottle from me and started to down it. I stood there for a minute watching him as he drank the whole thing, it was full bottle too.

"Shuichi-kun I had no idea you drank so much." I said sitting down, it was about time I stop drinking anyway. If I was going to be driving us home I needed to be sober, that way the police don't pull me over and arrest me. I don't think the media would make it sound like it was a good thing. I lead my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose as I could feel a headache approaching.

"Normally, I don't drink this much but," he swung the half empty bottle around," today I just feel like it. Hell I never drank this much even when Yuki kicked me out."

It surprised me that he said that, I stared at him for a minute then I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling, my head was starting to swim a bit but I knew if I took an aspirin or two I'd feel better till I got home at least. I was in deep thought for a while, I didn't even notice Shuichi-kun finish off the bottle, and get up about to fall over if even someone lightly breathed on him. However, I did notice when he climbed into my lap and started to play with my hair.

"Shuichi-kun what are you doing?" I asked him looking down as he pulled off my hat.

"Playing around." Shuichi stated his speech was badly indistinct and his actions seemed to be slowed. I think it finally hit me how drunk he was when he began to nibble on my neck.

"Shuichi-kun!" I said loudly grabbing his writs and bringing him to my eye level causing him to stop "playing around" with my neck," You can't do that." I didn't notice that I was breathing a bit deeply.

"Why not?" he pouted as I let go of his writs and he folded his arms.

"You love Eiri-kun and its not right for you to do that to me when you still have him." I told him, I wished it wasn't true but it was.

"Yuki never has _time _anymore," Shuichi wined," We never get to da anything anymore."

"Then you should talk to him about it." I said as I tried to get up but Shuichi refused to get off my lap.

"He always calls me a "damn brat" and kicks me out of his office before I can even say a thing." Shuichi said as he threw his arms around my neck," Its like, I love him but…he doesn't love me."

"Don't say things like that Shuichi." I said, inwardly I winced,' _I think I'd better get Shuichi-kun home mow, it is six o'clock.'_ I thought looking up at the clock," Shuichi-kun how would you like a piggyback ride?"

"Okay!" he said as he got off me at last. I got up and turned my toward him. He jumped on quickly and I grabbed his legs so he wouldn't fall off, I began toward then door when it opened up suddenly and Nakano-kun was standing there.

"Konbanwa Nakano-kun." I said to the red headed guitarist," I'll be driving Shuichi-kun home don't worry about him."

"Oh alright," he said," Sorry about barging in sir, I just didn't hear Shuichi-kun saying anything and thought well…"

"I understand." I told him," Don't worry, he just had a bit to much to drink." I faintly felt him fall asleep as he rested his head on my back," I'll get him home alright?"

"Uh, yah!" he said," well then let me help you get him into your car sir."

"Arigatou." I said as we left my office.

As soon as we got Shuichi-kun in the car Nakano-kun got a call from his girlfriend, Eiri' ex, and had to leave quickly. I bid him a farewell and got in my car, I turned it on and began to drive out.

We quickly made it to Eiri's, I woke Shuichi-kun up as best I could but he still seemed to be out of it quiet a bit, so I helped him out of the car. I put his arm over my shoulder and began to walk him up the walk way when the door opened.

Eiri stood there looking nether mad nor glad to see the genki pop singer," Konbanwa Eiri-kun." I said as we got closer.

"Did you find him at a bar or did he go to work?" Eiri asked coldly.

"I took him to work Eiri-kun, he asked me to take him so I did." I said," I thought it might be better that he got out rather then stay inside all day."

"It looks to me he was still inside a building all day." Eiri said reaching over and taking Shuichi-kun.

"Ah, touché." I said defeated," I take it you'll be keeping him home tomorrow?" I asked.

"That's right." He said picking up Shuichi bridle style," See you tomorrow or something, Tohma."

"O-yasumi nasai, Shuichi-kun, and you too Eiri." I said as I walked back to my car," I wonder how sober Shuichi-kun is now?" I asked myself getting in and putting my index finder in my chin. I took it away and looked back at the door to the building with a side glance. I then shrugged and turned on the car, then started on my way home. My bed was calling for me.

TBC

Well I finally got this chapter done! Yay! lol I'm just kidding with you…uh…that made no sense… oh well. Well I recently got a review that (to me) seemed between a flame and a (good job) review, you guys know you can all read it if you look at past reviews. Well I understood what the person said, I know I get some spelling mistakes in there or, the words spelt right but it may not be the right word. Heh I do that often and I'm sorry about that. Thank you all for reviewing and so on I really appreciate it. I think in this story I'm going to be just a but AU and make Tohma about Eiri's age, but I don't think it really matters… Tohma is just so cute! You wouldn't think of him as someone in his early thirties, well that's about all I have to say for now! See you in either another story or the next chapter!

Ja ne

-Kaiyuku Akari


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

(Shuichi POV)

"_**Peace and trust take years to build and seconds to shatter."**_

For some reason when I woke up, I was outside sleeping next to my things that I had taken to Yuki's, and for some reason I felt like last night I had just done something I never should have done. I knocked on the door and got no answer, so I tried again and again until finally it swung open and I got a face full of cold water then the door slammed in my face.

"Yuki!" I cried childishly. "What did you do that for?"

"Go the hell away!" he yelled from inside. "If you don't I'll be calling the police."

"What did I do?" I asked.

"Leave!" he yelled so loud I winced.

"Alright." I said lowly._ 'Yuki, what did I do?' _I thought to myself, as I began to pick my things up and arrange them so I could carry them, the whole time wondering what I did.

I was about to go to Hiro's when I remembered what Tohma-kun had said to me before we went to work the other day. So instead of calling Hiro I called Tohma-kun. It rang a few times and by the time Tohma had picked up his phone I was on the corner of the street.

"Moshi-moshi?" he said as he answered yawning.

"Ne, Tohma-kun…uuhhhh…. Well…," I paused then went on," Yuki kicked me out again and I don't know why this time."

"You want me to come and get you?" he asked, he sounded pretty awake now.

"If you could." I said.

"I'll be right there. Are you still at Eiri's?" he asked me.

"I'm on the corner." I said he said alright and then hung up as did I. "Yuki…what did I do?"

When Tohma-kun arrived he had on a dark face, like he just found out that he might die or something. I saw he had his cell phone clutched tightly in his hand. "Tohma-kun, daijobu?"

"Huh?" he said. "Oh! Genki…genki…you?"

"Confused." I said as he began to help me put my things in the car. "I don't know why Yuki kicked me out this time. Why did I get so wasted last night?"

"I'm sorry this is my fault." Tohma said as he closed the trunk after everything was in his car. His eyes were closed and he was crying a little bit.

"Tohma-kun." I said softly. "No it's not. I probably opened my big mouth when I was drunk and told him…something….I…shouldn't," I paused for a long time then said," have. Damnit! I know what I did now!"

"Its my fault." Tohma said.

"I said it already. Its not your fault. I'm the one that told Yuki about us." I said. "Somehow right now…it doesn't hurt anymore." Tohma-kun looked at me in surprise. "Now that I know what I did it doesn't hurt. I guess…" I paused," that I just don't love Yuki anymore."

Tohma-kun said nothing but turned and looked up the street at Yuki's house. I know he must have been thinking that it was still his fault that Yuki and I broke up, but it wasn't. I know that I used to love Yuki with all my heart but it wasn't there anymore. I don't know where it went, nor do I care.

It would take me a while to figure out what I really wanted but for the time being I was with Tohma. Living with Tohma! Nothing more…I think.

"Shuichi-kun." Tohma said. "I called Eiri after you talked to me and Eiri told me that you told him what we had done in Kyoto."

"That's what I thought," I said," well lets go?"

"Right." He said getting into the car, as did I.

I only wondered how long it would take for me to get used to living with Tohma-kun. That, and if I would get used to it at all.

When we pulled up to Tohma-kun's house I gasped a bit. It was **huge!** I couldn't believe it. Although I don't know how I was so surprised, he was the owner of NG, my boss, and all. So why would he not have a big house, and all.

We pulled into the garage, again I was surprised at my surprise, he had a lot of nice cars. With his money he could easily afford a driver but he drove himself. I wonder why.

"Well were here." He said as he opened his door, and stepped out. I still didn't really know what was going to happen concerning my relationship with Yuki, but for the time being I was living with Tohma. I started to think about the times that we kissed.

Just to inform all of you, those were not empty kisses. They each held some meaning and none of them were pity.

Just…

Just a side of me that I didn't want to admit to myself.

The side that knows that I love Tohma.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Holy cheese on rye! (gotta love Yusuke) that took me a while to do. A while and yet so short in comparison to my other chapters. Why you ask? Because it did! I was getting detracted by my newest Beyblade Fan Fic so Nyah! Away ways! I'm so out of friggin ideas! I know I said I had a lot, but know…I'm just a shell sitting here typing this, my brain has left the building on this Fic, but it's running a friggin marathon with my other ones… stupid mind! Work with me damnit! Well I'll try to update as soon as I can!

Ja ne

Kaiyuku-kun


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